Dublin, December 2014.
An office in Leinster House.
Outside the chants of protestors can be heard:
‘From the rivers to the sea, Irish waters should be free….’
‘Enda Kenny, not a penny…’
AISLING and JENNIFER enter, turn on the lights to reveal:
MAURA, sitting down, her hands handcuffed to a pipe behind her.
MAURA is in her late sixties, JENNIFER in her late thirties, AISLING in her mid-twenties.
JENNIFER is a government minister, AISLING one of her assistants.
JENNIFER sees MAURA on the chair, raises her hand to her mouth.
MAURA quivers, but looks straight ahead.
MAURA
From the rivers to the sea, Irish waters should be free!
I won’t be leaving until the government abandons the water tax.
JENNIFER
(to AISLING)
This really isn’t a joke.
AISLING
Yes. I’m sorry. I had no idea this would happen.
JENNIFER
Why did you turn off the lights?
AISLING
To make sure she couldn’t do anything.
MAURA
You won’t intimidate me, Missy. I had a grand old time in the dark. And this is a peaceful protest: I’ve no dark purposes to hide.
JENNIFER
You need to stand up now.
(beat.)
Stand up.
(beat.)
Mammy, you need to stand up.
MAURA
That would be very uncomfortable altogether now, wouldn’t it? You wouldn’t wish that on an old lady. But take away my chair all you like, I’m not moving.
JENNIFER
I haven’t time for your nonsense today. Just get up.
AISLING
She can’t. She’s handcuffed to the pipe, I told you.
JENNIFER
Who did this to you? Where are they?
AISLING
I didn’t see anybody else with her. They’ve gone.
JENNIFER
Mammy, just give me the key and I’ll get you out of here.
MAURA
You think I’ve gone soft in the head, don’t you?
JENNIFER
I don’t think you’re in your right mind.
MAURA
I’ve never felt sharper. Or more alive.
AISLING
If she doesn’t tell us where the key is, we’ll have to call the guards.
JENNIFER
No. Who made you do this? Where are they?
MAURA
You don’t give me credit for my own actions.
JENNIFER
Not when they’re so utterly stupid. (angry) What were you thinking? (soft) Mammy, what are you doing?
(JENNIFER goes over to MAURA, attempts to free her wrists.)
You’ll hurt yourself, did nobody think that this isn’t a stunt for an old lady?
MAURA
I know what I’m doing. And I’m 69. I’m no old lady.
JENNIFER
These have to come loose!
MAURA
They won’t. I’ll be here until you scrap the water tax. Or have me arrested. Whatever you prefer.
JENNIFER steps away.
JENNIFER
Fuck. I need a fag.
AISLING
You know that you-
JENNIFER
Yes, Aisling, I’m aware of the fucking policy.
MAURA
Better for your health anyway, sure.
JENNIFER
Don’t you start!
(beat.)
I’m sorry for snapping.
MAURA
It’s okay, I’m used to it by now.
JENNIFER
Not you. Aisling, I apologize, I’m just wound up.
AISLING
No problem. Do you want me to call somebody?
JENNIFER
No. Yes. Who?
MAURA
You can’t just ignore me as if I’m not here now. You can’t throw away the petitions we sent, delete the emails I forwarded, get that one (AISLING) to pretend you’re at a meeting. I know, Missy, that voice you put on, I wasn’t born yesterday.
AISLING
You’re not so bad at deception yourself, are you? I should never have left you in here.
MAURA
It was a regrettable subterfuge but the end justifies the means. I won’t sit by and watch our country be shafted by a load of crooks.
JENNIFER
You’re enjoying this.
MAURA
I’m glad that people have finally seen sense and are taking to the streets.
AISLING
I could tell security. We should tell security, it’s protocol.
JENNIFER
No. She’s just playing for some attention.
MAURA
You know that’s not true.
JENNIFER
(losing it)
I can’t believe this. My own mother! Do you have any idea how this is going to look? What the hell were you thinking?
AISLING
Do you want me to leave?
JENNIFER
Yes. No. Wait. I have to figure out how we’re going to manage this.
MAURA
Is that all you care about? How you’re going to look in the papers tomorrow?
JENNIFER
You can get off that high moral ground.
MAURA
I don’t think I can go anywhere at the moment.
JENNIFER
I do need a cigarette.
JENNIFER finds one in her bag, lights up.
AISLING
You know that-
JENNIFER
Oh, don’t worry, I dismantled the smoke alarm a couple of days ago.
(beat.)
(to MAURA)Don’t look at me like that. You’re a fire hazard at the moment, you know that? What would you do if there was a fire, did you think of that?
MAURA
I’d like to say that I could rely on the government to bail me out, but I suppose that only happens to the rich.
AISLING
We weren’t responsible for the bank bail-out.
MAURA
Your crowd are all the same, you all supported the banks while they were making the mess and then gave the bill to the poor people of Ireland.
JENNIFER
Fantastic. We’ve got Rosa Parks and Rosa fucking Luxenburg rolled into one here.
AISLING
Irish Water isn’t just about finance. It’s about carefully managing our natural resources-
MAURA
It’s about getting rich off something that should be a human right. Selling rain to the Irish, we might as well be Eskimos paying for snow.
AISLING
Nobody’s getting rich from the water charges. The public water system costs 1.2 billion to maintain and the government cannot adequately meet those costs.
JENNIFER
Don’t indulge her. She’s an old lady who’s been brainwashed by some students who haven’t the guts to be sitting here themselves.
MAURA
You’ve never given me the dignity of listening to my opinions.
JENNIFER
If I want to know your opinions I’ll turn on Joe Duffy.
MAURA
Just because I didn’t have the chance to go through college or zip around the city like you do, you think I haven’t a thought in my head.
JENNIFER
Alright, what’s your brilliant solution to meeting water charges? How do you plan to raise 1 billion euro?
MAURA
You could tax the companies that have their offices here and all their profits going abroad.
JENNIFER
The companies would be heading abroad soon after.
MAURA
Let them. They’re getting rich off the backs of the poor. There might not be much difference between the useless shower in here and that lot in their offices but at least I trust the government to be reliably useless.
AISLING
Water meters are all across the EU.
MAURA
Water is not something that needs to be rationed, especially when its cowboys with an eye on profit that are the ones controlling the pumps.
JENNIFER
Irish Water isn’t a private company.
MAURA
Yet.
JENNIFER
You don’t rail against privatization when you switch phone-company every couple of months, do you? Privatization is good for consumers. Do you want to take us back to rickety old Ireland where nothing worked and it cost half a week’s wages to make a phone call across the Irish Sea?
MAURA
I’d rather live in a land that’s slow than corrupt.
AISLING
What about climate change?
MAURA
What about it?
AISLING
We have to preserve our natural resources. Water isn’t free and nor is energy. People should be aware of the cost of their actions.
MAURA
There won’t be more gases in the sky from people having a glass of water or washing their hands. Making water rates about climate change is just spin so people can keep extracting money from our pockets.
AISLING
Don’t you want your grandkids to grow up in a world without complete climate chaos?
MAURA
I don’t have grandkids. Nor am I likely to with this one.
JENNIFER
Fantastic. Let’s all have a conversation about my womb.
AISLING
I want kids. And grandkids. And I want them to grow up into a world where they understand that water doesn’t just magically flow from our taps. I want them to appreciate that we have a responsibility to conserve.
MAURA
What about a government’s responsibility for its citizens? Sure you could save lots of water just by fixing all the leaks across the country.
JENNIFER
With what money?
AISLING
I can’t believe how bloody selfish your generation can be sometimes. There wasn’t a peep about expansion when things were going well but as soon as there’s a slight cut to the pensions, the streets are clogged with people screaming their lungs off. You’ve dragged the planet to the brink of environmental catastrophe and now you’re refusing to shoulder the slightest responsibility for your consumption.
MAURA
I don’t need a lecture about sustainability from you. These hands are worn from the washing I did: nappies, towels, shirts, not a thing I didn’t scrub. And we wouldn’t dream of throwing things away, we didn’t need an EU directive to tell us to hang onto plastic bags in my kitchen. It wasn’t the likes of me wrecking the planet, Missy, it was companies and governments putting profit before people.
JENNIFER
You have the slogan and everything. Are you sure you’re not trying to run for office?
AISLING
My name isn’t ‘Missy.’
MAURA
And mine isn’t ‘fool.’ I understand all about climate change. And maybe there’s some way that you can go about metering water use that doesn’t put the burden on people who’ve already had their backs broken by austerity for the last five years. I’m not saying that water shouldn’t be conserved or paid for. But it’s not the people of Ireland who have got us into this mess and we shouldn’t be footing the bill.
AISLING
There will be allowances in the rates for social welfare and-
JENNIFER
Don’t humour her. She’s not here for a discussion of policy but to see how loud she can shout. I’ve had enough. Just tell me where the key is, Mammy.
MAURA
I don’t have it.
Pause.
AISLING
Boltcutters. Maybe somebody in security has some.
JENNIFER
The key, just tell me where it is.
AISLING
Do you want me to ask?
JENNIFER
Mam?
MAURA
I’ve told you the conditions on which I will leave this office.
JENNIFER
Don’t think that I won’t have you sent to jail.
MAURA
I didn’t doubt it for a moment. You can lock me up, you can lock all of us, but you can’t stop the current now. This won’t be like the Household Charges, people won’t be backing down and shutting up.
(beat.)
Water has a way of getting what it wants. It might take a while, but the smallest of drops can erode the biggest mountains. And once those drops stick together, there isn’t a force more powerful in the world.
JENNIFER
I’m asking you one more time. Tell me where the key is.
(beat.)
Before I call the guards.
Pause.
MAURA looks at JENNIFER.
Chant begins softly, gets louder and louder, until it is as loud as outside.
MAURA
From the rivers to the sea, Irish water should be free!
From the rivers to the sea, Irish water should be free!
From the rivers to the sea, Irish water should be free….
JENNIFER turns to AISLING and makes a signal.
AISLING leaves.
JENNIFER and MAURA look at each other, MAURA continuing to chant.
CLIMATE CHANGE THEATRE 