Paris, evening of Dec 9th 2015.
ANJALI and ZAC are at a bistro in Paris.
ZAC is sitting at a table on his phone, ANJALI returns from the bathroom.
ANJALI
I’ve already told you that posting naked pictures won’t get you any more followers.
ZAC
What if they’re not of me?
ANJALI
I don’t know if Gladys would agree that it’s part of her contract.
ZAC
Well, it’s more of a free-form agreement.
ANJALI
Voluntary contributions?
ZAC
That’s it.
ZAC puts his phone away.
ANJALI
It’s killing you not being in there.
ZAC
No.
ANJALI
You miss the huddles.
ZAC
I have all the huddling I want.
ANJALI
You could go and loiter through the night.
ZAC
That’s not what I want to do tonight.
ANJALI
No.
ZAC
Anjali…
Pause.
ANJALI
So, give me the optimistic spin.
ZAC
1.5 is still on the table.
ANJALI
One of three options.
ZAC
I think it’ll happen.
ANJALI
In symbolism yes, in practice…
ZAC
I didn’t think it was possible last year.
ANJALI
Who knew what poor countries could do when they shout together?
ZAC
There’s still some language about human rights.
ANJALI
Once it’s not specific. Not like indigenous people or women have any special vulnerability to climate change.
ZAC
Adaptation, they’ve worked through that: hardly a square bracket in sight.
ANJALI
Loss and damage…
ZAC
We’ll see. 2050 is still on the table. Five year reviews are in.
ANJALI
And international transport is out. Not like ships or planes have any special emissions.
ZAC
I’m sure the IMO and the ICA will sort it out.
ANJALI
Careful, Zac, that sounded like cynicism.
ZAC
Mid-thirties now. Gotta find something to match the stubble.
ANJALI
Which, by the way, is ill-advised.
ZAC
Your objections are noted.
ANJALI
My favourite part is still Article 2 option 2.
ZAC
The purpose of the UNFCCC: ‘no text.’
ANJALI
Sums it up.
ZAC
I thought you were feeling good about things.
ANJALI
I’m feeling good about things outside the bloody COP. But why do we keep coming here to cycle through the same bullshit?
ZAC
So you can ask that question every year?
ANJALI
And I can scowl at your dimples. Seriously, I don’t understand why everybody is excited about 1.5 degrees when the current INDCS have us at 2.7 degrees at the least-
ZAC
That’ll have to change-
ANJALI
And they can’t even say a fossil free world. More of this zero net carbon emissions double-talk, so that we will bend every way to offset everything instead of just stopping using the bloody things that are causing this mess.
ZAC
Modi’s solar deal is a good step-
ANJALI
Don’t get me started on him. What’s the point of expanding solar when you’re also expanding coal?
ZAC
Coal’s on the way out.
ANJALI
Right: natural gas is the energy of the future. I can’t believe they’re distributing tote bags touting gas. Or, I can believe it. Nothing about the False Solutions exhibit would surprise me.
ZAC
I haven’t been yet.
ANJALI
Neither have I of course.
ZAC
But you’ve seen the pictures.
ANJALI
Some of us follow the right people.
ZAC
It doesn’t even feel like we’re in Paris.
ANJALI
We have croissants. And wine. What more do you want?
ZAC
Moonlight under the Eiffel Tower?
ANJALI
I’ve told you to be careful about that sounding like Woody Allen shit.
ZAC
Anjali-
ANJALI
Saturday, we’ll go on a trip.
ZAC
To a jail cell?
ANJALI
To an exciting undisclosed location. I’m excited to push the boundaries of your civil disobedience.
ZAC
I thought I did an excellent job of sitting in today.
ANJALI
Apart from some of your suggestions.
ZAC
I didn’t think other people would be listening to us.
ANJALI
You should leave the thinking to me.
(beat.)
I mean…
Pause.
ZAC
Are we going to keep pretending that nothing has changed?
ANJALI
I don’t know.
(beat.)
I don’t want to talk about it now. With all this.
ZAC
Maybe we can schedule a huddle?
ANJALI
December 13th?
ZAC
Midnight under The Eiffel Tower?
ANJALI
If we’re not in jail.
ZAC
Maybe I can charm my way out and release you.
ANJALI
I won’t be holding my breath.
Pause.
ZAC
You think they’ll finish by then?
ANJALI
We could still be here.
ZAC
We could never leave.
ANJALI
I’m running off with that Greenpeace polar bear.
ZAC
I’ve got my eyes on one of those Angels.
ANJALI
I had you pegged for a mermaid man.
ZAC
Keeping my options open.
Pause.
ANJALI
I do feel good. About things. Surprisingly.
ZAC
Oh.
ANJALI
The climate movement is getting stronger and stronger.
ZAC
Oh.
ANJALI
There is a sense of movement that wasn’t there in-
ZAC
Don’t.
ANJALI
No.
They don’t talk about Copenhagen.
They never talk about Copenhagen.
ANJALI
But I feel excited by Montreuil this weekend, by some of the wins that have happened this year. Including 1.5 degrees. Because even if we’re nowhere near set to meet that goal, lines are being drawn and we have something to hold the bastards to.
(beat.)
And I feel good about other things.
ZAC
Hopeful?
ANJALI
Not without hope. That’s what I’d say.
Pause.
ZAC
There’s always Marrakesh.
ANJALI
Yes. It’s always possible to postpone your urgent decisions for a year.
ZAC
Or we could always just never leave Paris.
ANJALI
Right. The current climate is very attractive. Maybe the National Front can turn this airport into a military base once COP is over.
ZAC
What was that you were saying about hope?
Pause.
ANJALI
Marrakesh. There’s somewhere between Marrakesh and Paris.
ZAC
Some place in square brackets.
ANJALI
Multiple locations.
ZAC
We [should] decide.
ANJALI
We [shall] decide.
ZAC
No hurry.
ANJALI
No.
They drink.
