PLAY #349: PARIS (10. DEC.2015)

Paris, evening of Dec 9th 2015.

ANJALI and ZAC are at a bistro in Paris.

ZAC is sitting at a table on his phone, ANJALI returns from the bathroom.

 

ANJALI

I’ve already told you that posting naked pictures won’t get you any more followers.

 

ZAC

What if they’re not of me?

 

ANJALI

I don’t know if Gladys would agree that it’s part of her contract.

 

ZAC

Well, it’s more of a free-form agreement.

 

ANJALI

Voluntary contributions?

 

ZAC

That’s it.

 

ZAC puts his phone away.

 

ANJALI

It’s killing you not being in there.

 

ZAC

No.

 

ANJALI

You miss the huddles.

 

ZAC

I have all the huddling I want.

 

ANJALI

You could go and loiter through the night.

 

ZAC

That’s not what I want to do tonight.

 

ANJALI

No.

 

ZAC

Anjali…

 

Pause.

 

ANJALI

So, give me the optimistic spin.

 

ZAC

1.5 is still on the table.

 

ANJALI

One of three options.

 

ZAC

I think it’ll happen.

 

ANJALI

In symbolism yes, in practice…

 

ZAC

I didn’t think it was possible last year.

 

ANJALI

Who knew what poor countries could do when they shout together?

 

ZAC

There’s still some language about human rights.

 

ANJALI

Once it’s not specific. Not like indigenous people or women have any special vulnerability to climate change.

 

ZAC

Adaptation, they’ve worked through that: hardly a square bracket in sight.

 

ANJALI

Loss and damage…

 

ZAC

We’ll see. 2050 is still on the table. Five year reviews are in.

 

ANJALI

And international transport is out. Not like ships or planes have any special emissions.

 

ZAC

I’m sure the IMO and the ICA will sort it out.

 

ANJALI

Careful, Zac, that sounded like cynicism.

 

ZAC

Mid-thirties now. Gotta find something to match the stubble.

 

ANJALI

Which, by the way, is ill-advised.

 

ZAC

Your objections are noted.

 

ANJALI

My favourite part is still Article 2 option 2.

 

ZAC

The purpose of the UNFCCC: ‘no text.’

 

ANJALI

Sums it up.

 

ZAC

I thought you were feeling good about things.

 

ANJALI

I’m feeling good about things outside the bloody COP. But why do we keep coming here to cycle through the same bullshit?

 

ZAC

So you can ask that question every year?

 

ANJALI

And I can scowl at your dimples. Seriously, I don’t understand why everybody is excited about 1.5 degrees when the current INDCS have us at 2.7 degrees at the least-

 

ZAC

That’ll have to change-

 

ANJALI

And they can’t even say a fossil free world. More of this zero net carbon emissions double-talk, so that we will bend every way to offset everything instead of just stopping using the bloody things that are causing this mess.

 

ZAC

Modi’s solar deal is a good step-

 

ANJALI

Don’t get me started on him. What’s the point of expanding solar when you’re also expanding coal?

 

ZAC

Coal’s on the way out.

 

ANJALI

Right: natural gas is the energy of the future. I can’t believe they’re distributing tote bags touting gas. Or, I can believe it. Nothing about the False Solutions exhibit would surprise me.

 

ZAC

I haven’t been yet.

 

ANJALI

Neither have I of course.

 

ZAC

But you’ve seen the pictures.

 

ANJALI

Some of us follow the right people.

 

ZAC

It doesn’t even feel like we’re in Paris.

 

ANJALI

We have croissants. And wine. What more do you want?

 

ZAC

Moonlight under the Eiffel Tower?

 

ANJALI

I’ve told you to be careful about that sounding like Woody Allen shit.

 

ZAC

Anjali-

 

ANJALI

Saturday, we’ll go on a trip.

 

ZAC

To a jail cell?

 

ANJALI

To an exciting undisclosed location. I’m excited to push the boundaries of your civil disobedience.

 

ZAC

I thought I did an excellent job of sitting in today.

 

ANJALI

Apart from some of your suggestions.

 

ZAC

I didn’t think other people would be listening to us.

 

ANJALI

You should leave the thinking to me.

(beat.)

I mean…

 

Pause.

 

ZAC

Are we going to keep pretending that nothing has changed?

 

ANJALI

I don’t know.

(beat.)

I don’t want to talk about it now. With all this.

 

ZAC

Maybe we can schedule a huddle?

 

ANJALI

December 13th?

 

ZAC

Midnight under The Eiffel Tower?

 

ANJALI

If we’re not in jail.

 

ZAC

Maybe I can charm my way out and release you.

 

ANJALI

I won’t be holding my breath.

 

Pause.

 

ZAC

You think they’ll finish by then?

 

ANJALI

We could still be here.

 

ZAC

We could never leave.

 

ANJALI

I’m running off with that Greenpeace polar bear.

 

ZAC

I’ve got my eyes on one of those Angels.

 

ANJALI

I had you pegged for a mermaid man.

 

ZAC

Keeping my options open.

 

Pause.

 

ANJALI

I do feel good. About things. Surprisingly.

 

ZAC

Oh.

 

ANJALI

The climate movement is getting stronger and stronger.

 

ZAC

Oh.

 

ANJALI

There is a sense of movement that wasn’t there in-

 

ZAC

Don’t.

 

ANJALI

No.

 

They don’t talk about Copenhagen.

They never talk about Copenhagen.

 

ANJALI

But I feel excited by Montreuil this weekend, by some of the wins that have happened this year. Including 1.5 degrees. Because even if we’re nowhere near set to meet that goal, lines are being drawn and we have something to hold the bastards to.

(beat.)

And I feel good about other things.

 

ZAC

Hopeful?

 

ANJALI

Not without hope. That’s what I’d say.

 

Pause.

 

ZAC

There’s always Marrakesh.

 

ANJALI

Yes. It’s always possible to postpone your urgent decisions for a year.

 

ZAC

Or we could always just never leave Paris.

 

ANJALI

Right. The current climate is very attractive. Maybe the National Front can turn this airport into a military base once COP is over.

 

ZAC

What was that you were saying about hope?

 

Pause.

 

ANJALI

Marrakesh. There’s somewhere between Marrakesh and Paris.

 

ZAC

Some place in square brackets.

 

ANJALI

Multiple locations.

 

ZAC

We [should] decide.

 

ANJALI

We [shall] decide.

 

ZAC

No hurry.

 

ANJALI

No.

 

They drink.

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