PLAY #186: WE HAVE BROKEN IRONY (JUNE 13)

A tool-shop.

Shelves that stretch to the ceiling with lots of odd tools: twisted metal in lots of shape, pointed and poking things, resembling the tools of a dentist, except much bigger.

TOOL-KEEPER wipes tools on shelves with a rag.

 

WORKER #1 enters.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

Drilling apparatus?

 

WORKER #1

You got it.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

Terrain?

 

WORKER #1

The Arctic. You know all these new resources are opening up with the melting ice and we’ve got to get in there and start figuring out the best way to extract.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

These should be worth trying.

 

TOOL-KEEPER hand a variety of devices across the counter.

 

WORKER #1

Oh yeah, and if you have a flag as well? Or a stake? Something that says-

 

TOOL-KEEPER

‘This is ours, back off?’

 

WORKER #1

Yeah.

 

TOOL-KEEPER produces such a thing.

 

WORKER #1

Perfect, cheers!

 

TOOL-KEEPER

My pleasure.

 

WORKER #1 leaves.

WORKER #2 enters.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

Extraction?

 

WORKER #2

That’s it.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

Whereabouts?

 

WORKER #2

Tar-sands. Looking to get some sort of sulfur-sieve as well. You know we’re building a solar shield?

 

TOOL-KEEPER

I heard.

 

WORKER #2

Yeah, so we just need to do some more drilling for sulfur – and tar sands – so that we can protect our climate from the sun.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

Sounds right.

 

TOOL-KEEPER hands across a variety of tools.

 

WORKER #2

Lovely job, thanks.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

My pleasure.

 

WORKER #2 leaves.

WORKER #3 enters.

 

WORKER #3

Hey, looking for some iron fillings. And something to-

 

TOOL-KEEPER

Dump them into the ocean with?

 

WORKER #3

That’s it.

 

TOOL-KEEPER provides a variety of tools for this.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

Clean Defense Mechanism scheme?

 

WORKER #3

That’s it. We’re putting iron into the ocean so that it will absorb C02-

 

TOOL-KEEPER

And you can keep on with business as usual?

 

WORKER #3

Exactly.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

So you’ll need some more of this?

 

WORKER #3

Sure.

 

TOOL-KEEPER provides some extractive devices.

WORKER #3 exits.

WORKER #4 enters.

 

WORKER #4

I’m looking for some irony.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

A-ha.

 

WORKER #4

I heard you had some.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

Pretty blunt tool.

 

WORKER #4

But effective.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

Art or something?

 

WORKER #4

Something.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

You’re wanting to make some grand point about climate change. The melting ice that suggests we should stop using fossil fuels instead is opening the ground for further fossil fuel extraction. Geo-engineering plans to protect humans by extracting materials that will ensure a climate inhospitable to human life. Carbon trading schemes give polluters the right to doubly pollute by encouraging them to pollute the ocean in an attempt to mitigate their pollution. That about the cut of it?

 

WORKER #4

Something like that.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

No can do. We’re all out of irony.

 

WORKER #4

Tough times.

 

TOOL-KEEPER shrugs, extends an extractive device.

 

TOOL-KEEPER

You want one of these instead?

Advertisements