PLAY #181: POZNAN (JUNE 8)

Poznan, 2008.

An empty conference room.

ANJALI walks in, composed.

ZAC stumbles after, giddy.

 

He shuts the door.

ANJALI slaps him playfully, starts to laugh.

 

ANJALI

You have to get a better ‘we’re not doing anything face!’

 

ZAC

You’re the one who started to laugh.

 

ANJALI

Only because you’re such a terrible liar.

 

ZAC

I’m not!

 

ANJALI

Your face is like a children’s picturebook, it doesn’t take a Sherlock to read it.

 

ZAC

I’ll be sure to get plastic surgery next year.

 

ANJALI

Can you ask for a Jake Gyllenhaal?

 

ZAC

I’ll see what Obama says.

 

ANJALI

He’ll be all for it. No way he wants your babyface ruining his-

 

ZAC

Honest desire to do something about global warming?

 

ANJALI

Carefully massaged media message.

 

ZAC

I’ve told you he’s-

 

ANJALI

Different, I know. You’re not working for him yet though. And your fly’s undone.

 

ANJALI walks to the corner, exploring the empty room.

ZAC adjusts himself, checks himself in the reflection of a door, starts to redo his tie, carefully, deliberately.

 

ZAC

Where are we?

 

ANJALI

Wild Boar room I think.

 

ZAC

Really?

 

ANJALI

Don’t get any ideas.

 

ZAC

Not my fault all the rooms are named after animals.

 

ANJALI

Don’t get comfortable. We’re just waiting until there’s a clear coast.

 

ZAC

She didn’t care anyway. None of the volunteers here do. You think they’d at least be excited-

 

ANJALI

About a UN Climate Conference? They’re teenagers, they only get excited about one thing.

 

ZAC

Not everybody is as perverted as you.

 

ANJALI

I was talking about mobile phones.

 

ANJALI pulls her cellphone out, starts to text.

 

ZAC

You’re not twittering about us-

 

ANJALI

The verb is tweeting. And the answer is no.

 

ZAC

You’re talking about how this is the first COP where your expectations have been exceeded.

 

ANJALI

You wish. I’m trying to find out where Gore is talking.

 

ZAC

You’re not going to go see Al Bore when you could be-

 

ANJALI

Watching one man tie a knot at sub-glacial speed?

 

ZAC

Is this where I’m supposed to make a joke about how fast glaciers move these days?

 

ANJALI

This is where you invest in a clip-on wardrobe.

 

ZAC

It’s important that I look good.

 

ANJALI

Oh right, all those pretentious knots. The Wizard-

 

ZAC

Windsor.

 

ANJALI starts to tie a knot in ZAC’s tie messily.

 

ANJALI

Here, stop making such a production out of it, it’s not as if anybody’s going to be photographing you anyway-

 

ZAC

You just wait till Copenhagen-

 

ANJALI

There.

 

ZAC

No way. That looks like a Republican knot.

 

ANJALI

You can call it the Pitbull then.

 

ANJALI tries to walk away, ZAC pulls her close.

 

ZAC

Does that mean you’re going to put some lipstick on it?

 

ANJALI

And what am I supposed to tell Al?

 

ZAC

The truth is inconvenient?

 

ANJALI

I have to go.

 

ZAC

There’s no point. Everybody is just going through the motions – nobody is making any real pledge on emissions reduction.

 

ANJALI

Or adaptation financing. That’s the problem.

 

ZAC

It’s okay. This conference is just keeping the wheels turning. Nothing that can be done with Watson here anyway. You know as well as I do that nothing is going to happen this year.

 

ANJALI

Not until Obama swoops in and saves the day?

 

ZAC

Not until I save the motherfucking day.

 

ANJALI

I hope you’ve reserved a room in Copenhagen for your ego.

 

ZAC

Gladys has a booked a suite for me.

 

ANJALI

Obama hired her too?

 

ZAC

Of course. Stimulus package for all. Including-

 

ANJALI

Don’t. I might just have go gag you with that bloody tie.

 

ZAC

Now you’re talking.

 

ANJALI breaks away.

 

ANJALI

Don’t you ever worry?

 

ZAC

What’s that word you’re saying?

 

ANJALI

That it won’t work out. That the GFC is going to be used as an excuse to do nothing about the climate. That there isn’t a robust text for Copenhagen yet. That more of the same will happen there, except it won’t be the same, it’ll be a catastrophe, because this is the last window that’s closing.

 

ZAC

It will work out. It’ll have to. There’s a momentum behind this, no country has the power to block action now. And every leader wants to make a legacy-

 

ANJALI

Or a profit.

 

ZAC

You’re the one who wants to watch the Boring Billionaire.

 

ANJALI

Only so I can heckle him.

ZAC

Maybe we can heckle together?

 

ANJALI

Maybe.

 

ANJALI starts to leave, ZAC follows.

 

ZAC

We could take the scenic route if you want. There’s still some rooms we haven’t explored.

 

ANJALI

I think we’ve exhausted this building.

 

ZAC

There’s always the elevator.

 

ANJALI

You’re incorrigible.

 

ZAC

Is that a compliment?

 

They leave.

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