PLAY #126: THE MANY WONDERS OF CLEAN COAL (APRIL 8)

A television studio: a mock kitchen.

SPIN POP FIZZ, a well-dressed PR executive, smiles for the cameras.

SPIN POP FIZZ holds up a piece of coal.

 

SPIN POP FIZZ

You might be wondering how clean ‘clean’ coal really is?

Well, let me tell you

Clean coal is so clean

that it can replace 95% of your household cleaning products!

 

SPIN POP FIZZ opens mouth in amazement.

 

You heard it right

But don’t just believe the spin

Watch for yourself.

 

SPIN POP FIZZ starts to scrub the counter with coal.

 

Why spend money on cleaning spray and a sponge

when clean coal can clean your counter for you?

 

SPIN POP FIZZ scrubs vigorously: the counter is certainly not cleaner.

 

Why bother about toothpaste and a brush

When you can just use a lump of clean coal

Just like the ancient Egyptians!

 

SPIN POP FIZZ rubs coal across teeth: a grimace or two the only indication of pain, failure, the absurdity of all this.

 

SPIN POP FIZZ holds up the lump of coal and places into a washing machine with a load of clothes.

 

why worry about finding the right washing powder

that brings the scent of Spring or rushing waterfalls or whatever

when you can just put a lump of clean coal into your wash

and your clothes will be fresh as can be!

 

The possibilities of clean coal are endless

Not only will clean coal stop world poverty

and ensure a secure energy future for the developing world

it will also replace

all those needless cleaning items

with a lump of the cleanest stuff

the world has ever seen.

 

SPIN POP FIZZ beams, smile only slightly diminished by coaly-teeth.

 

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